If you struggle with feeling grateful, this is for you.
The hungry ghosts. This is what I like to call them. It’s the inability- no matter how hard you try, to truly be happy with, and appreciate what you have. They say that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, and for those of you that resonate with this- that couldn’t be truer.
The astrological placement that comes to mind for this is Saturn in the second house, or Saturn conjunct Venus. In this case, I want you to take a look at the sign your Saturn occupies, and what aspects it makes to other planets. For example, if you have Saturn in Aquarius in the second house, perhaps your biggest block to receiving love and abundance, is feeling like the outcast- feeling cut off from the flow of life. Saturn restricts, and Venus expands. However, Saturn also creates a container for something to build, carrying the seed of longevity deeply within it.
So how does this relate to the curse of feeling not enough?
The second house relates to our sense of self-worth, self-respect, self-love, finances, money, and relationships. It also relates to how we receive. So with this placement, someone may have immense difficulty receiving, because of the fear that they are not enough. This includes receiving success. It sounds ironic- because I imagine anybody would want to receive success with wide open arms; however with this placement, there is a fear of not being enough to rise up and meet the challenges of that success.
When we feel we do not have enough, it’s because we fear that we are not enough.-rushaspeaks
This type of tremendous pressure we place on ourselves to compensate for our perceived shortcomings, eventually takes a huge toll on our wellbeing and eventually our health. This heightened state of being breeds a survival, lack complex. At this point, every single decision we make becomes imperative. There is this feeling of, “If I make one mistake, I will lose it all” – the fear of falling underneath a heavy, wet blanket of defeat threatening to overtake us. It also contributes to burnout. Whereas Venus conjunct Saturn natives will be prone to hoarding things to feel safe within themselves, Saturn in the second house natives will quite literally feel like they are not enough, and they will attempt to fill that void with their fixation of choice, namely things related to the second house. In an attempt to receive the things they so deeply desire to experience – a strong sense of self worth, confidence, self esteem, respect- they will do whatever they think will bring about those feelings.
However, it’s never enough. The focus here, being so deeply rooted in lack and survival, is always on how we can have more. This is where the ‘I’ll be happy when‘ syndrome truly kicks in. The true lesson of Saturn here is this: if you can’t be happy with what you have now, you will not be able to handle receiving more. If you receive a windfall, and you don’t appreciate it, you will have to approach the things you truly want the Saturnian way. What does that mean? Through good, old-fashioned, consistent, and persistent hard work.
So your only job right now, is to focus on how you can appreciate all that you have in your life right now. Your mind will want to default to how it’s not enough – how so and so has way more, or how others have achieved the same things much faster. Do not allow that to stop you. Simply sit back and observe. Allow this part of you to kick and scream, and then once it’s over, simply choose again. Happiness is a choice. Gratitude is a choice. How we view things and how we respond to life, is also a choice. You cannot control your outer circumstances, however you can always choose to have dominion over your internal world.
You never truly know what you have until it’s gone, or until you have to work for it. But the gift contained here is that once you build that success, especially the old fashioned way- not only will you know what it’s truly worth, that success will last you a life time.